More rewrites - Character introduction.

Character introduction says a lot.  That was my issue with the last Batman movie, The Dark Knight.  Batman had the lamest intros in the history of the franchise.  But that's for another blog.

I think when we meet the character, it should say a lot about the character we're meeting.

Sample:

INT. ADDIE’S THRIFT STORE

MISS HOKE, a spiteful widow in her seventies, leans impatiently on a walker by the counter.  She wields a broken umbrella like an extension of her gnarled hand.

MISS HOKE

Arthritis.  Contractures.  Diabetes.  Gout.  Angina.

Natalie’s heard this before.

MISS HOKE

And I’ve got cataracts in both eyes.

NATALIE

Sorry I kept you waiting, Ma’am.

MISS HOKE

Do you run this store or don’t you?

Natalie goes behind the counter.

NATALIE

You need three scratch-offs?

MISS HOKE
Don’t tell me what I need, little girl.

End sample.

I describe Miss Hoke as spiteful in the scene description, but obviously an audience won't be privy to that.  And since, Miss Hoke was a secondary character, it had to come across in the dialogue right out of the gate.  We aren't going to spend a lot of time with her, so how she introduced herself was important.  She is a catalyst for the story, but that doesn't mean she has to read like it, or be nothing more than a tool.