More rewrites - Character introduction.

Character introduction says a lot.  That was my issue with the last Batman movie, The Dark Knight.  Batman had the lamest intros in the history of the franchise.  But that's for another blog.

I think when we meet the character, it should say a lot about the character we're meeting.

Sample:

INT. ADDIE’S THRIFT STORE

MISS HOKE, a spiteful widow in her seventies, leans impatiently on a walker by the counter.  She wields a broken umbrella like an extension of her gnarled hand.

MISS HOKE

Arthritis.  Contractures.  Diabetes.  Gout.  Angina.

Natalie’s heard this before.

MISS HOKE

And I’ve got cataracts in both eyes.

NATALIE

Sorry I kept you waiting, Ma’am.

MISS HOKE

Do you run this store or don’t you?

Natalie goes behind the counter.

NATALIE

You need three scratch-offs?

MISS HOKE
Don’t tell me what I need, little girl.

End sample.

I describe Miss Hoke as spiteful in the scene description, but obviously an audience won't be privy to that.  And since, Miss Hoke was a secondary character, it had to come across in the dialogue right out of the gate.  We aren't going to spend a lot of time with her, so how she introduced herself was important.  She is a catalyst for the story, but that doesn't mean she has to read like it, or be nothing more than a tool.

Belated follow-up.

In a previous blog, I ranted about indie filmmakers not taking the time to craft a good story.  I was that filmmaker.  It was several years ago, my buddy and I had coordinated a shoot based on a short script I had written.

What happened?  We never finished it.  Due in part to shooting on 35mm.  We would have had problems with a reshoot and pick ups.  We bit off a little more than we could chew.

But I'm not passing the blame here.  The lion's share was mine.

We were shooting a script that I had written, not rewritten.  Big distinction.

I was directing the piece and people started asking me story questions that I couldn't answer.  Not being the greatest at BS, I didn't know what to say.  As a result, my direction floundered.  The production did the same.

I was working off a first draft that I hadn't really thought through, that is to say, we were building on a poor foundation.

I could have bulled through it, but what would I have accomplished?  Yeah.  There's the production experience and the learning that comes from that, and maybe having something for a reel, but what about the story?  If my heart wasn't in it, why would I expect an audience to invest in it?

That's my issue.  When I see an indie film, I'm not fooled by the creative camera work or pshychadelic imagery or quirky dialogue.  I see through that stuff.  I'm looking for the heart.  If it's not there...  Well, then, you didn't do the work.  The real work of writing.

With practice- Comes great responsibility?

The goal was this-

Finish a rough draft of a new script before turning 40.

Done.

What's the new one?

Prolificness?  Not a word, but an idea.  I need to write more.  Is writer's block the ailment for which I need a cure?  I don't think so-  More like a case of get off my assness.  Or more accurate.  I need to get on my ass in front of a keyboard.

Is Experimental film an excuse?

I respect independent film because of the hard work, craftsmanship, and commitment that it entails.  I don't respect the lazy storytelling that often plagues so many of the more mainstream studio movies.

While I believe that quality may be subjective, I don't think the core of storytelling is. Production value not withstanding, a story without heart is just that, no matter how pretty it's packaged.

The mentality of "make it fast in order to make money" is ultimately the downfall of the larger studio projects (even box office successes) that proceed without a sound script.

That being said, many of the local indie ventures suffer a similar fate.  The filmmakers rush to production so they can get it out there and get noticed, but in the end I believe that approach has the opposite effect.  They can surround themselves with the cream of the local talent pool and make the most of their production dollar, but if it's invested in a flawed (often first, early, or dare I say "crap") draft, the flawed story stands out.  I don't think anyone wants to be noticed for that.

"It's experimental," is an excuse for not having the patience to craft a good story.  Using cool visuals to create emotional subtext will not carry a shallow script.  The people Indie filmmakers are looking to impress are savvy to that, and the only thing that ends up being "experimental" about the film is whether or not a sound, cohesive story can be cut together to fool an audience.

All of this being said, sometimes it works.  Sometimes.  When it does, I don't think it's possible for the filmmaker to duplicate that success.  Not in the same way.  Hopefully it will lead to a better understanding of story and a little more patience in the script writing (that is to say foundation building) process.

The irony is that Indie filmmakers often rail against the studios for putting out crap, when in the end, they are making similar choices for different reasons.

A rewrite...

The story is called Great Falls.  The rewrites began a couple of months ago.  It's tough to say the least.  I've found that the process is not only a journey through the original content, but a bit of self-exploration as well.  The whole process has taken a couple of years.  I may not be prolific, but I hope the end product is worth it to others.  I know it will be for me.  It's been an organic source of learning.

Here's a piece of the opening sequence:

FADE IN:

EXT. GREAT FALLS - EVENING

RAIN - a gully-washer.

ABANDONED MILLS - run down - overgrown with kudzu.

PIGGLY WIGGLY - the only grocery store - a few cars dot the lot.

Attached to it - a LAUNDRY MAT - attached to that - the POLICE STATION - windows dark.

SMALL BRICK BUILDING - barely more than a shed.  A lonely ambulance parked under an aluminum car port.  A sign by the door - CHESTER COUNTY EMERGENCY MEDICAL SERVICE - GREAT FALLS SUBSTATION.

The town of Great Falls, South Carolina has rolled up for the night.